Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
