just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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