turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
