you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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