I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
