Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
