After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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