No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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