Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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