I feel like abortions should bother me more
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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