Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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