I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
