I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
