I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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