Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
