just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
