Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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