is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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