I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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