you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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