i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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