we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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