If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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