I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I have demons in me.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
