Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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