So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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