You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
