She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
