wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
