I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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