Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
