he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
