Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
