Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
