My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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