Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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