Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
