After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
