OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
