Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I still have a little drunk in my system
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize