I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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