I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
as a side note pls kill me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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