Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
