Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
These tits shall not be calmed
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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