You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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