I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize