No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
