I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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