I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Small penises have feelings too.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
