my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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