Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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