Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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