would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
