your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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