By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
