WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
