Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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