i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
