look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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