he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
