the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
