I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I will pee on everything he values.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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