i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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