Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
