I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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