hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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