god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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