He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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