living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize