When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
