This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
