I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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