two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize