i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
