So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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