We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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